Have you ever committed to something and it looks awesome in the moment, but then when the time arrives to actually do it, your heart sinks as your body floods with resistance? That is exactly what happened when I began this cycle of 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene.
I was so hyped to start, rolling out my mat every day and loving myself through each pose and practice (see: Replenishment of the Heart). When Day 8 arrived I was shocked to find my body was filled with dread at the thought of yoga. For several days it felt like I was moving through mud. On the mat, time stood still in the most excruciating way.
I didn't give up. I wanted to keep the promise I made to myself to do all 30 practices in sequence. My hope was that by sticking with it, even when it felt impossible, this will translate off the mat. Especially in regards to my blog & social media content, I battle with wanting to give up a lot. More than I'd like to admit.
I didn't give myself any other option than to keep rolling out my mat. On Day 17 as I slogged my way through another practice, something in me broke open. An awareness of unresolved feelings and grief bubbled to the surface. My resistance wasn't to the yoga, it bloomed from all these thoughts and feelings I normally push away with constant motion, distraction, or dissociation.
I believe it takes more effort to carry around a unacknowledged broken heart than all the work it takes to pretend it isn't in need of repair. The healing begins with the light of awareness when we are ready.
Maybe the past doesn't need to be different, maybe all it ever needed is to be seen and heard for what it was. This way it can loosen its here-and-now grip on our hearts and we can finally be free.
Once and for all.
Inward & Onward,
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