I Don't (Completely) Love the Way I Look

A few years ago I was at a spa getting a pedicure with a friend. They offered other services and she inquired about getting her eyebrows waxed. A couple years after this I was having lunch with another friend and she disclosed she microbladed her eyebrows to fill them out.


So one friend's eyebrows were "too much" and the other's were "not enough".


What if they are just eyebrows?


Through the years I have toyed with the idea of microblading my eyebrows because I fall in the "not enough" category. A special day is when I "eyebrow up" with a brow pencil for sure. But, lots of days I just don't. Not because I am super comfortable in my appearance, but because I have learned I am never going to (completely) love the way I look.



No eyebrows? No problem!

It's not a national holiday or anything, but I did meet a friend in public so I 'eyebrowed up'.

The reality of not loving my appearance is for many reasons. Insane cultural expectations are a contributing factor, and yes, I realize as a non-supermodel I am inclined to think this, but it's something to consider. According to societal standards I fall short in so many ways I have lost count. In addition to this, as a female, what we look like is often valued more than what we think, do, or feel. My natural tendency is to turn my attention outward because this is what is rewarded. The emotional cost of this is high. Even if I'm winning in the moment, I just have to wait a beat and some new beauty trend will have me falling short all over again. Or, in our youth-obsessed world, give it some time and I will simply age out of the beauty game entirely.


If I don't always love the way I look, it kind of makes sense.


When that little voice points out a zit or my inch-long roots or my back flab or crooked teeth, it's not wrong. It's simply perpetuating the only judgments it knows.


Over time I have learned to accept these judgments as a part of my normal, every day experience and this shifts me towards equilibrium. In this way, I bring the light of awareness to them. Sometimes I can let them go and move on with my day. Sometimes I can't and I just extend love to the parts of me that are hurting.


Of course I don't love the way I look.


Of.


Course.


By owning the truth regarding how I feel about my appearance, this cracks open the door to authentic self-acceptance. My best days are the ones I am so immersed in the doing and the being of my life, I lose track of that, tiny, small voice of not-enoughness.


So, thank you sunsets and dog snuggles, holding hands, hugs, and sandy, shell-filled beaches. You are how I forget I have very faint eyebrows and how I remember the true beauty of my soul.






Inward & Onward






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