As a dedicated seeker, I have spent my fair share of effort and energy on the lookout for my 'true path'. I have read all the books, done all the quizzes, and attended all the workshops. Often, these experiences left me feeling more lost than when I started. No matter what changes I made, my life remained rather ordinary and lacked direction.
Or so I thought.
Over time, I started to focus less on the particulars on what I thought I should be doing and started to pay attention to how I was feeling. At first this felt pretty awful. Not only was I pausing all my habitual, unfocused doing which, according to cultural standards, meant my value as a person diminished in direct relation to my lessening activity level, but it also forced me to notice if I actually liked what I had been doing.
In many instances, I had not.
As I examined each of my patterns and the thoughts that drove these patterns, most of them were born out of a feeling of lack or unworthiness.
Again, not my favorite to sit with these realizations.
It didn't happen overnight, and to this day I find it a challenge to make the choice to stop and be still, but it was within these deep pauses I begin to sense what my purpose is:
to awaken to the life I was already living.
As I continue to pay attention to the life that is already here, this often leads me to wise and compassionate action. I know this action originates in truth by how it feels in my body. When I'm tense and anxious, with my stomach in knots, then I'm letting fear lead the way. When I'm open and free, love is what guides me.
Love has shown me to slow down and become as present as possible in each moment as it unfolds.
Every sunrise noticed, every flower picked, and every loved one hugged with open awareness reinforces this purpose.
To love and be loved, for this is everything.
Our salvation is found in the noticing.
Inward & Onward
