Each morning, I am faced with a choice: to continue my healing work or to push it away. Most days, I choose to dive in because I am determined not to let my past define me or dictate my future. My heart is still mending, having moved through many of the stages outlined below. I’ve caught glimpses of the last two, and I hold onto hope that if you, too, are experiencing grief and sadness, a lighter, brighter, and more fulfilling future awaits us both.
1. The Shock of Emptiness – Sitting with the Void
At first, there’s an eerie stillness after the storm. You may expect to feel sadness, but what often comes first is numbness or disorientation. It’s as if your heart and mind go into survival mode, protecting you from the full weight of what has happened. The world keeps moving, but you feel disconnected, floating in a strange limbo. Sitting with the emptiness is uncomfortable, but necessary. It’s in this space that healing begins.
2. The Ache of Awareness – When It Finally Hits
There comes a moment when the reality of loss, change, or heartbreak fully sinks in. The numbness fades, and the weight of it becomes undeniable. The ache comes in waves—sometimes small and manageable, other times crushing and relentless. Memories resurface unexpectedly, and emotions feel raw, unfiltered. This is the stage where grief demands to be felt, and the hard part is allowing yourself to sit with it instead of rushing through. True healing requires facing it head-on.
3. The Turbulence of Anger – Finding the Fire
Anger is an often overlooked but essential part of healing. It’s not just about resentment—it’s about reclaiming power. This stage can be surprising, especially if you identify as a “peaceful” or “forgiving” person. But anger, when used wisely, can be transformative. It highlights the boundaries that were crossed and the ways you were wronged. The challenge here is not letting anger consume you or turn into bitterness. Instead, it can be channeled as fuel—to redefine your self-worth, to speak up, to no longer accept less than you deserve.
4. The Deep Dive into Shadow Work – Meeting Yourself Fully
This is where healing gets real. You start noticing patterns—why you ignored red flags, how old wounds shaped your choices. It’s uncomfortable, but necessary, to look within and ask: What do I need to unlearn? How can I grow from this? This stage can be painful because it shifts the focus from what was done to you, to the deeper work of self-awareness and healing. The hard part here is embracing the discomfort, owning your role in your healing, and being willing to rewrite the story of your life (hint: it's a hero's journey).
5. The Loneliness of Becoming – The Space Between Who You Were & Who You’re Becoming
This is the in-between phase—where you’re no longer the person who was broken, but not yet the person who has fully healed. It’s an unsettling space, sometimes filled with solitude and uncertainty. Old friendships, routines, or coping mechanisms may no longer fit, yet the new version of you is still forming. This stage requires deep patience and trust. This is the time to sit with yourself, to honor your growth, and to trust that the right people, habits, and opportunities will align with the person you are becoming.
6. The Softening of Acceptance – The Beauty in Surrender
One day, you wake up and realize the pain no longer defines you. The past still exists, but it no longer has power over you. This stage is not about forgetting, but about integrating—holding space for both the lessons and the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean everything looks or feels exactly how you wish; it means you’ve stopped resisting what is. You no longer need to go back and fix what was broken because you’ve built something new within yourself. The challenge here is stepping into the unknown future with an open heart.
7. The Emergence of Light – Rediscovering Joy
This is the healing journey stage we’ve been yearning for—the one that makes every struggle, every tear, and every moment of doubt worthwhile. Joy returns in unexpected moments—a song that makes you dance, a sunrise that fills you with peace, a laugh that feels real again. You find yourself experiencing happiness not because life is perfect, but because you’ve learned to carry both light and darkness within you. This is the moment healing feels real—the moment you realize you’ve made it through. Trusting this hard-earned happiness isn’t easy; a part of you still fears it could slip away. But you are no longer the person who once lived in fear of loss—because now, you know your own resilience (I told you this was the stuff of heroes!).
May today bring us closer to freedom from the past, leaving our future wide open to love and endless possibility.
Inward & Onward,
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