I have no idea where this blog and my website will take me and I am doing my best to make peace with this fact. It doesn't help that as I am learning and growing I am also beginning to (slowly) integrate that my role as a stay-at-home mom is drawing to its conclusion. It's a real bummer once your kids get self-sufficiently awesome, then it is time for them to pack it up and head on out.
Some candid shots from senior portrait day.
I am handling my oldest's senior year as well as any sensitive empath might. It's a mixture of tears, angst, & good old-fashioned anxiety. My goals of survival mainly consist of me taking complete and total responsibility for my mental health and well-being so when the time comes, he only needs to worry about acclimating to his next life chapter and not worry about me.
There are some things I have done in preparation for this transitional year. I started a website and I got a puppy. Timing-wise the simultaneous launch of dianadevaul.com and Oakley's arrival was not ideal in hindsight, but I am beyond grateful for both.
To add to all this, I keep hearing a voice of pressure getting louder, the one telling me I have to have my future, my website, my very existence and purpose completely nailed down before I am an official empty nester (don't get me started on my youngest and his future plans, my heart just can't right now). These doubts and uncertainties are only amplifying my feelings of doom.
But then, I turn to my tools within and remember, I am more than my doing and everything settles, at least a little. Then, the clarity comes. The kind that reassures me nothing I do or don't do beyond the raising of my kids will hold a candle to this experience. Family, however you define it, is what matters most in this world (I'm paraphrasing from the Fast & the Furious franchise here). I have zero regrets and this lessens the pressure on what the future may hold.
I am going to get very honest with you about my aspirations. I would love to support soul seekers across the globe as they connect to the peace within.
There, I said it.
I want to make a global impact.
But, if this doesn't materialize and I remain where I am today, there is nothing I could do that is more meaningful to me than the life I created with my husband, or the privilege it is to be a mother to two of the most incredible humans in the whole universe (they really are that awesome).
Anything beyond this will just be icing on a well-loved cake.
Inward & Onward
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